Many people believe that every person should seek a single soulmate, apart from whom they should need no one else. Many others believe that each person should have only one romantic partner, at least at one time. But others don’t think that a single individual can fulfill all of their relationship needs, and therefore they prefer having many partners.
Polyamory, or consensual nonmonogamy, is the practice of having multiple intimate relationships, whether sexual or just romantic, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamory is generally not gender-specific; anyone can have multiple partners of any gender.
An estimated one in five Americans have at some point in their lives engaged in a consensually nonmonogamous relationship, and one in twenty are currently doing so. More and more studies are demonstrating that the ties and satisfaction that individuals in these kinds of relationships experience are equal to or greater than those of married couples. However, significant obstacles also exist: Relationships including polyamory require transparency, mutual respect, permission, openness, and communication skills. Talking about parenting styles can cause arguments between partners and cause feelings of jealousy, particularly when a new partner enters the relationship.
What Is Polyamory?
Polyamory is distinct from other forms of open relationships, such as swinging—which involves couples having casual sex outside of the relationship, without any emotional attachment. It is often confused with polygamy, or being married to more than one person at the same time, but they are very different. Polygamy specifically involves marriage to multiple people of the opposite gender — most frequently, a man having multiple wives — while polyamory, although it often involves married partners, describes a wider range of relationships, both heterosexual and LBGT.
Due to the stigma that it often attracts, polyamory is often practiced privately and may be kept secret even from close friends and family. At least one in four polyamorous individuals have experienced discrimination, according to the non-profit organization Loving More.
How Does Polyamory Work?
Some polyamorous people have a primary relationship and engage in casual hookups, but most begin secondary relationships with the consent of their primary partner, to whom they are generally married or committed. Introducing a secondary partner requires the primary couple to agree on a set of stipulations, such as date times and the type of intimacy allowed. Research has found that, despite the complications, polyamory offers benefits ranging from greater satisfaction and extra help with child care to increased relationship commitment.
The Benefits and Struggles of Polyamory
Studies on polyamorous partners reveal that they are, on average, at least as content with their relationships as other couples, which may explain why polyamorous partnerships are less frequent than others—not that people find them unpleasant. In fact, interest in polyamory is growing. Yet creating and sustaining a polyamorous relationship is extremely difficult. A mismatched desire for polyamory can upend many relationships, particularly when one partner views it as a lifestyle and the other as their sexual orientation. It can also be challenging to find a partner willing to enter a relationship with the same honesty and ground rules, particularly in a culture that encourages serial monogamy. This leads to the emergence of communities, usually online at first, where “poly” people can meet.
